Today at a cafe I met a girl in purple whose smile melted away my heart. The way her eyes looked at me warmed me inside, and now I can’t stop thinking about her. It’s silly, really. I wish I had of summoned the courage to tell her what I thought of her. I probably will never get the chance again. A lesson well learnt.
Sometimes, I wish I had people to invite over to come and keep me company. Since I moved house four months ago, only three friends have come to visit me.
I like my solitude, I do, but day in day out… One begins to tire of the breathless embrace of loneliness.
Isolation tears at me like a cold iron hook.
My dreams are totally insane. The characters my brain conjures up whilst I sleep are most bizarre. Awaking this morning, one line repeated prominently in my mind about an anomalous fellow I encountered:
“As if to forget his aberration, he began smoking a pipe of human flesh”.
The mind will say the heart speaks true,
The heart doth whisper “there’s only you”,
A soul bearing a darkened hue,
Haunted and hallowed by memories too few.
Her beauty white as bone,
But then with time the days turned by,
As she turned right into stone.
The heart is a curious device.
How it expands betwixt the ribs far in to the ether.
How it condenses and fossilizes.
A gemstone of emotion with the mass of a galaxy.
I’m sick of being beaten down by my parents every time I express any belief I hold. As if it isn’t enough just to not listen to anything I say, they feel that they must condescend and belittle me in the process, trivialising my opinions and reducing them to little more than “it’s just a phase”. Not only that, but they take out their own problems and frustrations on me, making sure that their stress and negativity is shared by everyone around them.
I wish that one of the many places I apply for would hurry up and employ me, because currently monetary funding is the only factor holding me back from striking out on my own. I don’t need anybody else to look after me, and certainly not to restrict my personal choices. I need independence, I need consistency, I need my own space and my own terms and my own life. 2013 will be the year, I hope.
The Dire Weald
An attempt at painting by my hand, inspired by the works of H.P Lovecraft.
If you don’t care about the fact that the Ugandan government is passing the Kill The Gays bill, then you’re an idiot.
I honestly can’t believe how backwards the world is. How is it that we still do not have the freedom for people to be who they want to be without fear of prosecution? It makes no more sense to punish people of different sexualities than it does to punish people of different faiths & religions. It’d be no surprise how extreme certain Christians would react if the tables were to turn… Some people can dish it out, but can’t take it.
Here is an impromptu mess of paint that found it’s way on to paper today, via a brush that looks as if it’s had a cruel and dismal life. I’m not quite sure what it is, or if it’s finished, or even which way it is supposed to face for that matter.
I tried my hand at painting today. It started off okay, but then progressively got worse as my lack of ideas/technique became apparent. Somebody kindly teach me!
“Ek ErilaR” (I am a rune wizard).
I keep seeing pictures of pugs with cute squished up faces all over the internet. While it is true that they are pretty darn adorable looking, I can’t help but feel that it is sadistic that humans inbreed and mutate the genealogy of these animals to create “pedigree” breeds that are riddled with cruel man-made abnormalities. Poor pug dogs are stuck with breathing difficulties their whole lives, but the wankers who own them find it pretty cute when they run a short distance and collapse on the ground panting and spluttering like an old man.
A third of Cavalier King Charles Spaniels suffer from what is known as “syringomyelia”, which consists of a severe and indefinite headache resulting from the brain being too large for the skull. In humans it is described as one of the most painful conditions one can have, and yet these poor animals are subjected to this as the byproduct of an intentional action? For what? For whom? The sake of their owners? Who do these rich aristocratic assholes think they are, and why do they feel that their pets must be as inbred as they are?
There is a schism in this kind of thinking, and sadly I do not think it is limited to the breeding of animals. After all, looking back through history the ruling class has always been a mob of inbred elitists whose madness and delusions know no bounds because of the “purity” of their bloodline. Humanity is fucked up, man. The ancient aliens should just come back already and cleanse this filth from what is left of poor Gaia’s deteriorating vessel.
This world can make one feel so alone at times.
It’s kind of sad, the way I stare at this screen as if it will present me with the answer to a question I never asked.
Today has been such a splendid day! Not only has it been beautifully sunny & euphoric weather, but I managed to acquire several awesome items whilst perusing the wares of some local op-shops. It always surprises me how far money can go in those shops, for $10 I managed to obtain a radical paisley shirt, a mustard coloured shirt, and two books, “The Assassini” & “Dune Messiah”. Quite a successful day! Now I believe it is time for merriment and festivities in the golden rays of the setting sun.
Good day to you all!